 |
In just a few years, Abstinen® (purimazenophrine) has become one of the leading treatments in the prevention of premarital sexual activity in teens and young adults. The most frequently reported side effects of Abstinen® include: vomiting, diarrhea, dry mouth, acne, and excessive masturbation. Serious side effects include: the desire to become a nun or a monk. There have been a number of rare cases of Immaculate Conception reported with the use of Abstinen®. Abstinen® does not prevent pregnancy or the transfer of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. |
 |
Jesurex® (fluoxetine christochloride) is a new and different way to treat symptoms of weakening faith or non-existent faith in Jesus Christ. It is the only pro-faith medication that blocks atheistrinocytes, an underlying cause of weakening or non-existent faith. Jesurex® is not for everyone, including people with epilepsy, leprosy, severe acne or liver problems. There is a risk of seizure with Jesurex®. Anyone taking Jesurex® should call their doctor right away if they have unusual changes in their breathing patterns, or if they experience stigmata wounds on the hands or feet. Pro-faith medications increase the chance of these symptoms in children and teens. |
 |
Patriotec® (patipropion HCI) is a prescription medicine that’s been proven to treat symptoms of unpatriotic thoughts and behavior, especially during wartime. It is the most effective anti-dissent treatment available today. Warning: Do not use Patriotec® if you are not a legal resident of the United States. You should tell your doctor about your political history, and any other prescriptions you are taking. The most common frequently reported side effects are: headache, indigestion, loss of memory, and uncontrollable urges to wear nothing but the American flag in public. Patriotec® may uncommonly cause vision changes, such as seeing red, white and blue, or not being able to tell the difference between reality and hallucinatory visions. |
 |
Ethnivox® (melatonifazimine) is the most widely prescribed medication for racial and ethnic identity transformation. Since its introduction in 1996, Ethnivox® has helped millions of patients worldwide, including those suffering from racial or ethnic discrimination, ethnic confusion, racial envy, and other ethnic and racial disorders. There are some rare, but serious side effects associated with Ethnivox®, including: severe necrosis, gangrene, complete loss of body hair, paralysis of the limbs, liver failure, multiple personality disorder, and blindness. |
 |
Consumerin® (shopalotraline HCI) is a medication that is safe and effective for the treatment of shopping deficiency, and purchase anxiety. Consumerin® is sure to ease tension and bring back the joy to your shopping experience. It's the #1 doctor-prescribed brand of its kind. By stimulating shopping and consumer behavior, Consumerin® also helps the growth of our nation's economy. Consumerin® has been endorsed by the federal government. Side effects may include: green skin rashes, drymouth, and headache. Serious risks include blood clots, stroke, and uncontrollable shopping sprees. Consumerin does not offer protection against high credit card debt or bankruptcy. |
 |
Introducing Homotrol® (homosetraline eletriptan), the first and only once-a-month tablet for treating homosexuality. It's a whole new way to treat symptoms of homosexuality. You only need one Homotrol® a month to control homosexual thoughts and behavior. Side effects may include: Dizziness, nausea, and the tendency to make unwise fashion choices. Some people who take Homotrol® develop a serious but rare hormonal disorder, resulting in moderate to severe disfigurement of the genitalia. In order to check for this, your doctor may conduct thyroid function tests from time to time while you are taking Homotrol®. |
| © 2005 Lisa Erdman | ______________________________________________________________ Credits for Print Ads: Written,
designed, and produced by Lisa Erdman |